Had Enough of Love
by Faeruy
Summary: Written for a DAWC songfic challenge.  This one is based Adele's "Right as Rain" and takes place during Awakening.  Alistair comes back to visit Faleni Mahariel at Vigil's Keep. Rated T for language.


_A/N: This was written for a DAWC songfic challenge. Normally I don't write songfics, but I've been obsessed with Adele lately, and the idea for this one just wouldn't leave me alone. So again, thanks for reading. I don't own these characters – Bioware builds the sandbox that I play in._

_'Cause when hard work don't pay off and I'm tired  
>There ain't no room in my bed<br>As far as I'm concerned  
>So wipe that dirty smile off<br>We won't be making up  
>I've cried my heart out<br>And now I've had enough of love – **"Right as Rain" Adele**_

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><p>"Excuse me, Commander?" Nathaniel's voice was uncharacteristically timid. Faleni looked up from her desk and saw his black hair poking around the door. <p>

"What is it?" Inwardly, she winced at the sound of her own voice. Too harsh, too croaking, too... everything.

"Someone's here to see you." The archer opened the door wider and stepped aside to reveal Alistair in full kingly regalia. It glistened wetly, and he sent a spray of droplets in her direction as he took off his helm. It must be raining outside. She glanced at the window behind her. Pouring-down rain. She turned back to Alistair. He wore that same sheepish grin he always wore. He hadn't changed.

"Commander." He saluted, his voice gently mocking.

"Alistair." She replied, deliberately leaving out his title. She was a Grey Warden, and Dalish; she was beholden to no king. "Nathaniel, you may leave us." The dark Warden nodded his head once, and retreated from her office, shutting the door behind him. She walked around to the front of her desk and leaned on it. Alistair continued to stand awkwardly, running a hand through his damp hair. She idly wondered if he was trying to grow it out on purpose, or if he was just lazy. Her bet was on the latter. He cleared his throat, startling her out of her reverie.

"What brings you here? Don't you have a kingdom to run or something?" She folded her arms across her chest and looked down her nose at him. He flushed slightly; it was a cute look. Too bad, she wasn't going to let it affect her today. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Thanks." He took the chair closest to her, his knee almost touching hers. "I'm fine, Anora's got everything under control."

"Ah, right. Of course she does. How is your little queen, by the way?" She winced again, that came out much cattier then she intended. She really didn't mind Anora. Much.

"She's fine." He muttered noncommittally. "Look, Faleni, I just... I had to see you. It's been too long."

"I'll say. The last time I saw you I had just cleared a bloody pack of darkspawn from the Keep. Fantastic first day on the job, I must say. Oh right, and what did you do? Just patted me on the back and left again immediately. It really has been too long." Dread Wolf, she hadn't slept in three days and it was starting to show.

"Faleni..." He stuttered quietly.

"Why are you here Alistair? Do you need something from me?"

"I..."

"For the love of the Creators, wha..." Faleni didn't get to finish the sentence; Alistair came roaring up from the chair and grabbed her face with both hands. Hazel eyes bore into hers for just a moment, and before she could think, his lips were pressed against hers, hungry and insistent. Faleni felt herself go weak, but whether that was from lack of sleep or his kiss, she wasn't sure. He pulled away, slowly, reluctantly, and stepped back. His hazel eyes searched her, furrowed with concern and hope. Faleni hauled back, and slapped him in the face. His hand flew up to his cheek.

"Owww!" He whined. "I'm guessing I deserved that, didn't I?" He prodded the spot where she slapped him, making some comical faces along with it. Fen'Harel, she'd missed those stupid faces. But she wouldn't let him charm her again.

"Damn right you did. How dare you? You got rid of me, remember? You said that you wouldn't be unfaithful to your queen, and that we were over. What in the Void do you think this is?" Her hands gripped the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles turned white.

"This? I thought this was what you wanted. Me as a king, you as my mistress." Alistair practically spat out the word. "And right... Anora as queen so you could tear off on your own whenever you wanted. Fine. You can have what you want. Me? All I ever wanted was you. No Anora, no kingship, just the Grey Wardens and you." He loomed over her, emphasizing his height, forcing her to lean back until she was practically sitting on the desk.

"Then why wouldn't you let me stay?"

"Because I couldn't!" He broke away from her, and started to pace angrily across the room. "Dammit Faleni, I'm not you. You seem to think it's so easy just to have sex with someone, and be in love with someone else, but it's not. Not for me. I couldn't let you stay. Not with Anora."

"Not with anyone, Alistair. Remember? I'm Dalish. An elf. A second-class citizen to the shemlen. According to your logic, the only way I could have stayed was if I was Queen. Do you really think your people would let that happen? I came up with a solution that worked for all of us, and you blamed me for it." She straightened up and stepped away from the desk, her chest still heaving from excitement. Alistair stopped pacing, and threw himself back into the chair he vacated.

"A solution that worked for you, you mean. I didn't want to be King." He said, rubbing his temples.

"And I didn't want to be a Grey Warden. We all make sacrifices."

"You really love to over complicate things, don't you? First it was that whole; 'oh, I'm an elf, I should be with an elf' thing that you had going with Zevran..."

"I chose you, didn't I?"

"...not before dicking us both around. And then everything that happened at the Landsmeet, and after... Maker, you even had me sleep with Morrigan, of all people!"

"I was trying to save the world, remember? Ferelden was tearing itself apart, and _I_ was trying to prevent that from happening, despite the fact that I could give a rat's ass about shemlen politics. I thought it was for the best. Even then, you came damn near to fucking it up again. You think Anora would have married you if you killed her father? No, and then where would we be? I killed Loghain, Alistair, for you. If things were complicated, you certainly did not make my life any easier." Faleni sighed, and flopped down in the chair next to him. "You're still not helping things." Alistair looked up, turning his head towards her.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" He said accusingly.

"What?"

"Who is it? That son of Howe? How about that scruffy mage I saw? He's rather you type, I think. Who is it?" His hands dug into the arm of his chair, and he looked like he wanted to punch someone. Faleni laughed, a short, derisive bark.

"Let me tell you, Alistair, what I'm dealing with here. I am the Arl of Amarinthe, which means I am the steward of the land and citizens; who by the way, hate me because I'm an elf. I am the Warden-Commander, in charge of rebuilding the Ferelden Wardens basically from scratch. And who am I in charge of? That scruffy mage is about two seconds away from taking off; I swear, the only thing keeping him here is his damn cat. The son of Howe doesn't trust me because I killed his father and he's forever mooning over the ex-Keeper who, by the way, is the kind of elf that gives the rest of the Dalish a bad name. I have a suicidal dwarf, and a corpse. And Oghren. Everyone else, everyone I trusted to have my back? Leliana, Sten, Zevren, Wynne, Shale... Morrigan? They're gone. There's a pack of darkspawn on my ass, and these sorry excuses for Wardens are the people I have to work with. I haven't slept in three days, so you know what Alistair? No, there is _not_ someone else. I'm tired. That's it. That's all there is. You coming here, and telling me that you love me? That's just one more headache that I don't have the time or energy to deal with."

They sat side-by-side in silence for a long time. Both stared straight ahead; neither one of them could look at the other. In the quiet, they could hear the raindrops on the windowsill in the grey afternoon.

"I'm sorry." Alistair said quietly, without looking at her.

"Me too." She said, exhausted.

"You used me, you know. I loved you, and you used me."

"I know. And I'm sorry. It broke my heart. But I didn't have a choice. Not if I wanted us to survive."

"No, I guess not."

"And I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"I still love you." He said, turning his head to look at her, his eyes large and wet.

"And I love you." She reached over and caressed his cheek with her hand; the cheek that still burned red from her slap. "But it's not enough. I can't do this anymore. I've spent to many nights crying myself to sleep. I'm done. We're done. I'd rather be alone than put myself through that again." She dropped her hand and sighed. Alistair got up slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Done then. I guess I should be going." He reached out his hand to her. She took it gratefully and he hauled her up so they were roughly on the same level. "Goodbye Commander. I hope we see each other soon."

"Goodbye your Majesty." Alistair pulled him to her for a long embrace, and she rested there for a moment, her head on his chest, and pretended for just a little while that everything would be alright. Without another word, he pulled away and left the room. Faleni went to the window and stared out of it, watching the rain come down. She watched as King Alistair and his retinue exited the Keep and start on the journey back to Denerim.

"Dareth shiral, emma vhenan." Faleni whispered as the rain enveloped him, cutting him off from her sight. She did not cry; there were no tears left.


End file.
